Dear Life:

Please stop. For a day, maybe two. Just let me catch my breath and find my footing. Please?

No? Okay then. Moving on.

I suffered the wrath of one of my customers at Best Buy today, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. The woman was IN TEARS, screaming about our lack of Wiis in store. I took her aside to an empty part of the store (New Country CDs, natch) and calmed her down. She said she worked over 60 hours a week, couldn’t afford eBay prices and didn’t have the time to line-up outside of a store for 3 hours before opening. She apologized for getting upset and asked if there was anything I could do.

I told her no, that I couldn’t hold a system for her, as it was against store policy. So I asked her how old her kids were.  Between 13 and 16, she said. She told me how much her kids had been bugging her about getting a Wii, and I was just kind of flabbergasted at the whole situation. I said, “Ma’am, in my family, if we wanted something that bad at that age we’d wait for it. Tell them Santa might need a few extra days. They’re old enough to understand.”  It was like a light bulb went off behind her eyes. She seriously hadn’t even considered ordering one for after the Christmas rush.

Seriously guys, this is what the holidays have given us: public histrionics, high blood pressure and stressed out salespeople. Maybe this is the year, considering the economy, to shatter your children’s illusions about magic men who bring free gifts to kids once a year. Let them know where this shit comes from. Santa will forever remain a very overexposed symbol of what this holiday represents (consumption, Christian imperialism, fur coats), so let him be a symbol and not some fantasy to perpetuate your stress and your children’s illusion of where shit comes from. Have some dignity. Christ.

Wow, this post turned out to be rather bitter and pointless. Paul needs sleep.